Reach for the nations

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Monday, December 1, 2008

Under Shalom's encouragement, I'm here to blog a mini-testimony of sorts since this blog is suppose to track our progress. Uh, it's already on my blog so I'm just re-posting it here.
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There's a testimony in the making I think.

I'm feeling a lot of things that I don't quite know how to describe or don't think the average person would be able to understand. But it's there, and I think in due time God will give me the words for it. But I'll share what I can which is how it started.

About 3 months ago, preperation for our trip to Cambodia first begun.
I had a strong feeling that I had to go on this trip but I didn't know why. The idea of mission wasn't very appealing to me and I think I signed up mainly because I was sick of being idle in God's kingdom and I really really wanted to start doing things.

During our first session, we concluded that mission was all about love. If we really love God, we cannot help but love all those He loves. And He loves the poor, He hears their cries day and night. He wants to reach them. So He sends the church, His body, to go.

I knew then that my heart wasn't right. Honestly, I had no heart for the poor. It sat cold and unmoved when people describe proverty. When letters/magazine come regarding mission or the poor I simply leave it somewhere in the house if not the bin without casting it a second glance. Yes, my bad. And I knew it was wrong. So I prayed the words from Hosanna.
Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like You have loved me
Break my heart for what breaks Yours
Everything I am for Your Kingdom's cause
As I walk from earth into eternity

It was a short simple prayer. Not those filled with passion and persistence. But God still heard, and God still answered. And so, His heart arrived in my mailbox one fine day.

In the mail, I got a book with a letter that said "As your requested, here is your free copy of Revolution in World missions!" And I was like, when did I ever request for a book like this!?!?!?! Maybe our team head went to request the books for us. But anyway it screamed BORING to me. Missions are for the missionary. For those in the outreach department. Not relevant to my life enough to motivate me to read the book. So I just left it at one corner of my table.

That is, until I found out that out of a team of 12 people, only Jon Wong and I got the book. And no one requested it for us, neither did we fill in any kind of form to ask for it. It just.. mysteriously popped up in our mailbox. But the strange thing was, it had our name and address on it. Strange right? Strange enough to me, that I decided to start reading it. Because even if it was a mistake, I believed it was one that God allowed so that this book could land in my hands.

I'm not done with the book yet. But from the beginning, as I read, I could feel God using the book to work on my heart. The Holy Spirit was bringing to light the ugliness of my heart and healing it, fixing it. As I read about the sin of christians in first world countries and the need of third world countries, my heart felt so.. broken. For the first time, I saw the reality of Matt 25:35-40. Do the poor exist because we are hoarding our blessings? Because of our selfishness and desire for more and more we do not spare a second thought for the poor? If it is because of our selfishness that people are suffering, if it's because of our timidity to preach the gospel that one more person is going to hell, then can you see how great is the judgment that's hanging over us!?

So it is, that I'm going to Cambodia with the right heart at last. Or maybe, I should say, right heart in the making. In place of my rock cold heart, God has replaced it with one that is able to feel the love God has for the poor. It's a love so strong I want to weep for having missed it all this while, and knowing that many others are missing it too. Following the footsteps of Jesus, I'm going to the poor to see... ironically, Jesus. This is the part where I don't quite know how to explain, and even if I could, I don't think many will get it. Despite my words, there are people who will still be unable to feel for the poor. I can only hope that one day God will change their hearts just as He did with mine.

Since reading the book, everything looks different. Or maybe it's because I feel different. There's a sort of burden weighing down on me. Don't quite know what it is, but I think it's gonna lead to something more. It always does. I think, this is just the beginning. Maybe it's the beginning of beginnings because the beginning is long because the journey is long. But I'm excited to be part of it. God is moving, I don't want to be left behind. I don't want anyone else to get left behind either.
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Elizabeth @ 11:35 PM

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